Silly Valentine Rhymes
Roses are red
Violets are blue
These days, about nothing
There’s much ado
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Superman’s red
Smurfs are blue
Bart Simpson should consider
Getting high with Scooby Doo
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Lips can be red
Eyes can be blue
I can tell a lot
By the size of your shoe
Self-Psychoanalysis

Me: I mean, just because I’ve been “okay” for a week or so, I don’t want you to get to thinkin’ I’m fine or anything like that.
Former psychiatrist: Don’t worry, Lauren: I would never think that about you.
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Lately, I’ve been following guys around who resemble Alex from certain angles or who share his name. I stop staring and/or following only until I am 100% certain the person I am seeing is not my brother. With this in mind, I had a dream the other night about shopping alone at the Book Stop by the Olive Garden in Humble (now Barnes and Noble and within Deerbrook Mall). One of the book store employees had “Alex’ written in green lablemaker across his name badge. After keeping an eye on him for a bit, I lost interest because he looked and acted like a bit of a schmuck – sufficient evidence that he was not my Alex reincarnated.
I continued through the shelves of text, half-heartedly looking for a few items to add to my John Updike or African American literature collections. I passed the children’s section and noticed a display with Where the Wild Things Are and Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and a few other books Alex and I read as kids. Suddenly, a spell of nausea ran over me, and I steadied myself against a row of travel guides. The room began to spin as I screamed out, “Someone help me!” before falling onto the floor and curling up into a ball of panic. No one came to my assistance. And then I woke up.
The problem is that, even while awake, I feel alone and helpless in this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad situation. No one comes to my assistance. No one can. The most I can hope for is the ability to move forward, if even an inch at a time.
Throughout troubled times, I sporadically become childish in my use of body and spoken language. In the dream, I symbolically curled up into the fetal position. I think the desire to return to one’s childhood or infancy reflects a need to be taken care of beyond what is available or even possible. Of course, if I could somehow return to my childhood, Alex wouldn’t be gone anymore, thus further fueling my sense of desperation.
Maybe someday I will grow up and effectively function as a responsible, productive adult. Until then, I prefer to live in a world of crossword puzzles, films, and literature where I stay distracted from the “unbearable lightness of being.”
Highway Campaigns
Head south on WA-20
Obama/Biden
Obama/Biden
Chris Gregoire
Van De Wege
Barack Obama IMPEACH (homemade banner)
Obama/Biden
McCain/Palin
Obama/Biden
Chris Gregoire
Obama/Biden
Dino Rossi
Obama/Biden
Chris Gregoire
Ron Paul
Van De Wege
Continue to follow WA-19 S
Dino Rossi
McCain/Palin
McCain/Palin
She’s not my governor (bumper sticker)
Dino Rossi
McCain/Palin
Obama/Biden
Ron Paul
Dino Rossi
McCain/Palin
Ron Paul
NObama (bumper sticker)
Turn left at WA-104
McCain/Palin
Chris Gregoire
Obama/Biden
Entering Kitsap County
The Blue Balloon: A Haiku
There’s no sadder sight
Than a wayward blue balloon
Fluttering toward heav’n
Motherhood
I don’t want to have a baby
Right now or when I’m forty
Just so I can tell myself
That I’m no longer lonely
I don’t want to change its diapers
Or clip coupons from the mail
To buy mushed food and formula
I’d just as soon bail
I don’t want to quit my day job
Or wear maternity clothes
The thought of all that crying
Sends me into fits of woes
I don’t want to lose my interest
In afternoons of fucking
When one orgasm once a week
Chalks me up to lucky
I don’t want the picket fence posts
Ever after, happily
I don’t want to have a baby
(I don’t want a little me.)
Lolly’s Top 5 Hip Hop Hits of 2008
Runner-ups: “Swagga Like Us” by Jay-Z, T.I. et al., “Whatever You Like” by T.I., “Love in This Club” by Usher featuring Young Jeezy, “Touch My Body” by Mariah Carey
#5 Flo Rida featuring T-Pain “Low”
Apple Bottom Jeans have never sounded so good. Flo Rida’s solo debut album, Mail on Sunday, soared to the top of the charts with this first hit single. “Elevator” featuring Timbaland and “In the Ayer” featuring will.i.am solidified this preeminent rapper’s spot among the best. The catchy lyrics and ground-shaking/booty-thumping bass make this song almost impossible not to dance to. I found it hazardous to drive my car whenever “Low” came on because my hands inevitably ended up anywhere but on the steering wheel.
#4 Estelle featuring Kanye West “American Boy”
“Don’t like his baggy jeans, but I’ma like what’s underneath ’em,” sexy UK artist Estelle coos, as Kanye provides a little self-promotion: “Who killin’ ’em in the UK/Everybody gonna say you K/Reluctantly cuz most of the press don’t fuck wit’ me.” Kanye West’s laid back rhymes perfectly complement Estelle’s sultry melody: It’s as if they’re making love in the studio! What I enjoy most about this song, however, is its promotion of the United States. As Estelle cites all of the places she wants to visit in the Land of the Free, we feel enticed to do the same…and to have a little more love for our American boys at home and abroad.
#3 Kanye West “Love Lockdown”
Stylistically, Kanye West took a lot of risks in his most current album, 808s & Heartbreak. But Kanye has taken artistic risks throughout his career, usually with great success (e.g. not censoring the “N-word” in “Jesus Walks,” sampling Daft Punk in “Stronger”). 808s and Heartbreak is Kanye West’s first album without a Parental Advisory sticker, and he replaces rapping with singing to lyrics that undoubtedly reflect the recent death of his mother and break-up with his fiancee. The use of the 808 and tribal drums gives “Love Lockdown” an originality unparalleled by other chart-topping songs of 2008. In it, we hear a vulnerability, which is all the more refreshing when held up against the “bad ass” personas within Kanye’s ilk.
#2 M.I.A. “Paper Planes”
Although the background is relatively upbeat and part of it was prominently sampled in “Swagga Like Us,” “Paper Planes” has a sad tone to it, even without respect to the lyrics. A children’s choir, gunshot sounds, and the ringing of a cash register occupy the song’s chorus as Mathangi “Maya” Arulpragasam (M.I.A) spits out her poetry of sociopolitical satire. I feel “Paper Planes” captures the melancholy air of 2008 better than any other track.
#1 Lil Wayne “Lollipop”
In his hit single “Lollipop,” New Orleans native Lil Wayne boasts that he’s going to “hit it, hit it like [he] can’t miss.” Although he’s clearly talking about a sexual act, the same could be said about his ability to score a slam dunk on one of this summer’s most memorable songs.
Stephen “Static Major” Garrett, who died in February 2008, posthumously topped the Billboard Hot 100 as the featured singer in “Lollipop.” The music video is dedicated in his memory. Garrett was an incredible songwriter: Who could forget Ginuwine’s “Pony” (1996) or Aaliyah’s “Are You That Somebody” (1998)? Although multiple remixes followed its release, the version of “Lollipop” in the music video continues to be the most popular.
“Lollipop” deserves the foremost position on my countdown because, no matter how many times Movin’ 92 or KUBE 93 played it, I never grew tired of the song’s blatant allusions to oral sex or the scratchy vocals of Mr. Carter. If anything, I wanted to come back for more, just as Lil Wayne’s shawty does: “Just like a refund/I make her bring that ass back.”
Hostel Environment
written Fall 2005
I hate small talk, but it was the only thing to really do in the Prague youth hostel lounges. Same questions. Different (yet all too similar) people. Same answers. But when someone asked me about my interests at one point, I mentioned running for the team. And defining (or even just describing) myself as a runner suddenly felt like a lie. The “I am ____” statements have always been so loaded and limiting, but I felt all too aware of such limitations that day. After identifying as an athlete and, specifically, as a distance runner for so long, I was rather stunned at how distant I felt from the sport and my team.
And then I looked down at my running shirt and realized it said Y-A-L-E, and I felt like describing myself as a Yale student was, in some respects, an outright falsehood. Sure, we all have that sense of “the assumptions people make about me only because I go to an Ivy League school are so annoying and inaccurate” or “do I even meet up to people’s preconceptions (read: misconceptions) concerning colleges like Yale?” But this was deeper. I felt as though I was lying to myself. Like certain aspects of the past three years have been an absolute prevarication. I have always thought climbing a steep uphill was the only way to reach the “top.” My legs hurt literally and figuratively. Indeed, I have begun to lose my endurance to climb up the ambiguous ladder of success.
For the past few months, I have really thought about whether or not I want to run for the team this year, and that weekend in the Sir Toby’s youth hostel prompted extensive contemplation. The team served as an amazing support network for quite some time, and the shift in dynamics and atmosphere prevents me from fully benefiting from that positive reinforcement. It would be unfair of me to propagate negative energy, and I am definitely taking fond memories and true friendships with me as I “leave” this close-knit community. I have always been known for my honesty, yet I have felt untrue to myself for too long. I am looking forward to eventually reacquainting myself with a sincere love for the sport. For lack of time and, more importantly, a sense of discretion, I will not further expound upon these issues in email format. However, feel free to get in touch with me if you have any questions, exciting news, or even gentle gossip :-). Thank you for sharing a significant portion of my time and passion over the past three years. Good luck with the season and all your future endeavors.
Love Always,
LD
“Oops, I Didn’t Know We Couldn’t Talk About Sex”: Feminine Angstiest Songs #1
In 1994, Madonna released Bedtime Stories, an album with less overt sexuality than Erotica (1992) but with plenty of imagery nonetheless. Although “Secret” and “Take A Bow” were the most popular singles on this multi-Platinum album, “Human Nature” takes the cake when it comes to expressing feminine angst. I’ll explain why in this first installment of many about songs I like to jam to when I’m feeling like a man-eater.
Before Madonna rendered herself curveless through yoga and God only knows what else, she filmed the music video for “Human Nature,” wearing body-hugging black vinyl and donning chestnut cornrows among a sea of smutty men and women. Anonymous hands begin to fondle a seated Madonna just before she slams her legs shut. We then see her dancing in a white box, along with the other dancers in S&M-esque garb. Throughout the song, Madonna seductively whispers the following mantra: “Express yourself, don’t repress yourself.” The backless, frontless boxes could represent superficial repression from which Madonna is ultimately free with access through the front and back doors.
Madonna is unapologetic about her sexuality, self-expression, and decisions: “I’m not sorry / It’s human nature / And I’m not sorry / I’m not your bitch / Don’t hang your shit on me.” Sometimes a partner’s words and actions serve as an attempt to silence us, but we can take the upper-hand in the blame game. I’ve taken this too far by refusing to apologize for things that actually are my fault, but I like the concept of using human nature as a defense when appropriate.
“Human Nature” came back to life in Madonna’s 2001 Drowned World Tour as she performed it while riding a mechanical bull. Not to be outdone by her past self, Madonna recruited Britney Spears to sing along in November 2008. This version of “Human Nature” includes the infamous line, “It’s Britney, bitch!” The cougar and her cub have been released into the wild yet again.
Unabashed and unwilling to adhere to haphazard social constructions, Madonna delivers yet another knockout performance. My favorite line of the song poses an age-old question: “Would it sound better if I were a man?”
I Didn’t Mean to Be Mean
I didn’t mean to be mean
When I screamed, when I wept
I didn’t want to be wanted
I just needed to be kept
I’m so used to being used
Your pure intentions
Are abuse
If you’d struck me, if you’d fuck me
You’re like the others –
Cold but lucky
It was simple being easy
So I blame you
When you please me
For saving me from deadly habits
That die hard
For making me smile
For taking me far
Far from here
Far from blue
Further from home
Furthest from you
So, to that end, I must implore:
If you hated me
Would I love you more?
Disparate but never desperate
We’re violently in love
As luck would have it

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