Posts tagged ‘Beauty’
Excerpt from “Men Behaving Badly”
As she teetered into her forties, she was most surprised by the heavy stream of twenty-somethings (and even teens) who flirted with her. And it wasn’t just the bots on Instagram: real-life young men seemed to want her more than they ever had.
It made no sense.
And yet, it made perfect sense.
Share this:
Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”
My heart is the size of a whale—not a whale’s heart—an actual whale.
Share this:
Excerpt from “Men Behaving Badly”
He brought over a 2007 Riesling and home-cooked tomatillo lime snapper.
“No wonder you texted me to heat up the oven. I was confused because you said I didn’t have to cook tonight, so I thought maybe you’d changed your mind. How long does this need to stay in?”
“Four minutes and twenty-three seconds–give or take.” He grinned with gentle confidence.
“Four minutes and twenty-three seconds it is!”
“I’ve barely had a chance to eat all day, but I wouldn’t mind dessert first.” He winked and gestured toward her bedroom.
“I’d totally be down . . . but it’s that time of the month, and we’ve only been dating for a few weeks, so I’m not quite comfortable with that yet.”
“You still get your period?”
Share this:
Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”
Oozing with insecurity
I couldn’t live in the moment,
Couldn’t embrace my own divinity
I burst into tears
When he compared me to a statue at the Louvre.
Share this:
Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”
He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to knock me up or blow my brains out.
Or both.
Share this:
Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”
David N. and I enjoyed exchanging dating horror stories as foreplay. On the precipice of afternoon delight, we rolled around under his sheets (never before had I experienced the feel of super high thread count).
“Oh my god, you won’t believe how my last relationship ended.” I rolled my eyes in reminiscence while clutching David’s shoulders.
“Probably not as badly as when Meredith torched my Beemer.” He smiled and tightened our embrace.
“I’m glad you have a sense of humor about it. I just don’t understand why you never pressed charges.”
“That would’ve meant I’d have to keep dealing with that bitch. And there’d be a public record of the shit she put me through.”
“Fair enough.”
“So what did that dick munch do anyway? Didn’t you tell me you thought he was The One at some point?”
“Nate seemed like a real catch. That is until he got back with his ex. And here’s the thing: I mean, you know I’m not superficial or arrogant . . . but this girl was like a three, maybe a four, soaking wet.”
“Yeah. That’s pretty fucking ridiculous. You’re at least a seven.”
Share this:
Excerpt from “Safe Mode”
The opposite of numb (but perhaps with the same result), I plunged so deeply into depression I couldn’t:
drive myself home
pick up a fork
wash my hair
erase my smeared makeup
brush my teeth
swallow 150 mg of relief
pack a bowl
check Facebook
cry
pray
masturbate.
Share this:
Double Back Flip on Crappy Diving Board with Torn Meniscus
“Me doing a double back flip with a torn [meniscus] on a crappy diving board at Turner Falls in Oklahoma.”
-Alex Davis, July 28, 2008
Share this:
Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”
Having endured over 30 years of alternating waves of adversity and prosperity, I thought I had figured out at least a few things–particularly my sexuality.
While I appreciated the dynamic nature of sexuality, I also felt my sexual orientation had essentially congealed by that point. In other words, I thought I pretty much knew where I stood along the sexuality spectrum.
But the more I got to know Rachael, the more aware I became of the most painful irony: as my biological clock began to chime, I grew exponentially more attracted to women.
The Lollygabber 
Recent Comments