Posts tagged ‘Men Behaving Badly’
Excerpt from “Men Behaving Badly”
As she teetered into her forties, she was most surprised by the heavy stream of twenty-somethings (and even teens) who flirted with her. And it wasn’t just the bots on Instagram: real-life young men seemed to want her more than they ever had.
It made no sense.
And yet, it made perfect sense.
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Letter to My Rapist (Part 2)
I’m a Monster
I’m a Maven
I know this world is changing
Never gave in
Never gave up
I’m the only thing I’m afraid of.
No matter what, you’ll never take that from me
My reign is as far as your eyes can see.
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Excerpt from “Men Behaving Badly”
He brought over a 2007 Riesling and home-cooked tomatillo lime snapper.
“No wonder you texted me to heat up the oven. I was confused because you said I didn’t have to cook tonight, so I thought maybe you’d changed your mind. How long does this need to stay in?”
“Four minutes and twenty-three seconds–give or take.” He grinned with gentle confidence.
“Four minutes and twenty-three seconds it is!”
“I’ve barely had a chance to eat all day, but I wouldn’t mind dessert first.” He winked and gestured toward her bedroom.
“I’d totally be down . . . but it’s that time of the month, and we’ve only been dating for a few weeks, so I’m not quite comfortable with that yet.”
“You still get your period?”
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Excerpt from “Safe Mode”
You splattered me
Across the Internet
Because I made you feel invisible
And, therefore, invincible.
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Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”
I was attempting to work on the manuscript for Men Behaving Badly when Edgar showed up unannounced (as per usual). I never minded his spontaneous visits, and I didn’t realize—until it was too late—how much I looked forward to them. He plopped down in his usual spot on the futon.
“You know, Edgar, I misunderstood the saying that revenge is a dish best served cold.”
“Have you been reading Stieg Larsson lately?”
“I don’t just get these ideas from literature and film. Give me some credit, man!”
“I always do.”
“You’re right. But, yeah, I just figured out what it meant right before you came over.”
“What did you think it meant?”
“I used to think it meant that it’s best to avenge a wrong as ruthlessly and with as cold a heart as possible.” I paused pregnantly.
“But I just realized the coldness relates to the passage of time.”
“I think you’re right on both counts, actually.” Edgar nodded pensively. “Of course, if you want to get revenge through the justice system, coldness isn’t so desirable what with statutes of limitation and all.”
“Fuck statutes! What these guys have in store is extra-legal (but neither illegal nor violent…we have too much to lose, and we’re more creative than that). Their lives will transform overnight without the slightest notice. Just like mine did. But, unlike me, they will have no recourse.”
“Sounds delicious.” Edgar’s pupils dilated with interest. “It’s been over 10 years. When can we get started?”
“We already have.”
“Oh, that’s right. I’m sure it has something to do with sending Tex that letter reminding him he’d have to pass the Moral Character Evaluation to become an attorney.”
“Nope. That was just our public duty and has nothing to do with revenge. That’s why we sent it as soon as we discovered his plan to follow his father’s footsteps at Harvard Law School. Not part of the revenge. No need to serve cold. Hey, wanna drink?” I gestured toward the kitchen.
“Sure, thanks.” Edgar popped the cork off my half-full bottle of pinot noir. “So, what’s next with respect to revenge?”
“There’re some clean glasses in the sink.”
“Coolness.” Edgar split the remainder of the bottle between the two of us. “I’m all ears.”
“How far can you run without stopping? How much can you bench press, squat, or the equivalent?”
“I thought you just said this wouldn’t involve violence or criminality?”
“Oh, it won’t. We just need to be and look like we’re in tip-top shape. We just need to signal that we’re as formidable physically as we are intellectually and psychologically.”
“In that case, I’ve got my work cut out for me. But I’m game. Tell me more.” He raised his glass and smiled with boundless intrigue.
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The Lollygabber 
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