The Lollygabber

Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”

December 18, 2014 at 11:36 pm Leave a comment

Professor Heart Attack (again, not to be confused with Professor Heartache) took me to a super fancy restaurant (I forget the name, but it was the kind of place where you can’t wipe your own hands in the bathroom — as he called it, “Zagat rated”) the first night we were in Atlanta. He ordered for me, which I surprisingly liked. (“The lady would like . . . “) I forget what he ordered. Something with truffles, but I hardly had a chance to eat.

And I had absolutely no chance to digest.

“Is it okay if I have a glass of wine? I must say, I don’t feel as sharp when I drink, but the setting seems right.”

“Sure. But I’ll actually have an espresso. I could use a jolt after traveling all morning.” I thought it was sweet he asked my permission to drink, not like I would have ever taken issue with it.

“At two and a half hours, the flight was just long enough to watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith.”

“How was that? I fell asleep 15 minutes in.” I had absolutely no interest in seeing yet another blockbuster with Angelina Jolie running in slow motion with her tits bouncing dangerously close to her chin.

“It was palatable.”

“Glad to be reassured. I wouldn’t want to miss the next American Beauty.”

“Speaking of reassurance,” Professor Heart Attack pulled his briefcase onto his lap and popped it open. “I want to show you something.” He pulled out a stack of papers about an inch thick.

My heart sank into the pit of my stomach. I didn’t need to know the content of the papers to know that a JD/PhD could only produce one of two things from his briefcase in that moment.

Entry filed under: Excerpt, Fiction, Pop Culture, Sexuality. Tags: College, Entertainment, Fiction, Professor Heart Attack, Professor Heartache, Sexuality, Yale.