Posts filed under ‘Health and Beauty’
Excerpt from “Men Behaving Badly”
He brought over a 2007 Riesling and home-cooked tomatillo lime snapper.
“No wonder you texted me to heat up the oven. I was confused because you said I didn’t have to cook tonight, so I thought maybe you’d changed your mind. How long does this need to stay in?”
“Four minutes and twenty-three seconds–give or take.” He grinned with gentle confidence.
“Four minutes and twenty-three seconds it is!”
“I’ve barely had a chance to eat all day, but I wouldn’t mind dessert first.” He winked and gestured toward her bedroom.
“I’d totally be down . . . but it’s that time of the month, and we’ve only been dating for a few weeks, so I’m not quite comfortable with that yet.”
“You still get your period?”
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Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”
Oozing with insecurity
I couldn’t live in the moment,
Couldn’t embrace my own divinity
I burst into tears
When he compared me to a statue at the Louvre.
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Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”
“As you well know, being passive aggressive is not being assertive . . . ” Dr. Kim paused and gazed pensively at the ceiling. He folded his hands into his lap and continued: “But what few people realize is that being aggressive is also not being assertive. Passive aggressiveness and aggressiveness are on opposite sides of the spectrum. Assertiveness is in the happy middle.”
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Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”
He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to knock me up or blow my brains out.
Or both.
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Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”
David N. and I enjoyed exchanging dating horror stories as foreplay. On the precipice of afternoon delight, we rolled around under his sheets (never before had I experienced the feel of super high thread count).
“Oh my god, you won’t believe how my last relationship ended.” I rolled my eyes in reminiscence while clutching David’s shoulders.
“Probably not as badly as when Meredith torched my Beemer.” He smiled and tightened our embrace.
“I’m glad you have a sense of humor about it. I just don’t understand why you never pressed charges.”
“That would’ve meant I’d have to keep dealing with that bitch. And there’d be a public record of the shit she put me through.”
“Fair enough.”
“So what did that dick munch do anyway? Didn’t you tell me you thought he was The One at some point?”
“Nate seemed like a real catch. That is until he got back with his ex. And here’s the thing: I mean, you know I’m not superficial or arrogant . . . but this girl was like a three, maybe a four, soaking wet.”
“Yeah. That’s pretty fucking ridiculous. You’re at least a seven.”
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Excerpt from “Safe Mode”
The opposite of numb (but perhaps with the same result), I plunged so deeply into depression I couldn’t:
drive myself home
pick up a fork
wash my hair
erase my smeared makeup
brush my teeth
swallow 150 mg of relief
pack a bowl
check Facebook
cry
pray
masturbate.
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Federal Judge Confirms $200 Million Settlement for Victims Injured by Tainted NECC Steroids
Springfield, Mass. – Today, Federal Bankruptcy Judge Henry Boroff ruled in open court confirming the approximately $200 million settlement plan for the victims of the fungal meningitis outbreak caused by contaminated steroid injections from New England Compounding Center (NECC).
The NECC saga began as a tragic yet hopeless case from the perspective of even the most optimistic attorney advocates: in September 2012, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) announced a nationwide fungal meningitis outbreak spawned by contaminated injections from NECC, a relatively small compounding pharmacy in Framingham, Massachusetts. NECC closed its doors in October 2012 and filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy on December 21, 2012. At that point, the CDC had confirmed hundreds of cases of fungal meningitis and dozens of deaths linked to this outbreak.
Attorney Anne Andrews, Co-Chair of the NECC Official Committee of Unsecured Creditors, is no stranger to bankruptcies in mass tort cases. In the May 2014 issue of Trial magazine, Ms. Andrews explained:
When a defendant in a mass tort litigation files for bankruptcy, it can be challenging to achieve just compensation for all victims. But it is possible if the plaintiffs’ attorneys work together to create a global settlement architecture that entices defendants to the table.
For nearly thirty years, Ms. Andrews and John C. Thornton, partners of Andrews & Thornton, have worked extensively litigating personal injury product liability cases against major pharmaceutical companies resulting from the sale of dangerous drugs, medical devices and dietary supplements. Andrews & Thornton has been involved in various federal multi-district litigations and state court coordinated litigations beginning with the Dow Corning Breast Implant litigation. Andrews & Thornton has extensive experience with and has been an active participant in virtually every recent tort claim related litigation within a bankruptcy.
The NECC settlement has nearly doubled since Judge Boroff approved the initial settlement Plan in July 2014. All classes of creditors overwhelmingly supported the Plan, with over 99 percent of victim creditors voting in its favor. According to Ms. Andrews:
Now that the Plan has been confirmed, distribution of the global settlement fund to victims will soon begin. It has been a pleasure to work with an incredible team of colleagues to achieve this extraordinary relief that seemed impossible at the outset. This Plan Confirmation helps bring a sense of closure to the victims of this tragedy and their loved ones, who have waited so patiently for justice and some form of compensation for all they have endured.
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Excerpt from “Who Wants to Marry a Savant?”
Nicole Mitchell was her name. All of the girls at our high school called her “Nicole Bitchell” because, as I often overheard, she was a “heinous bitch on wheels.” I didn’t know Nicole well enough to confirm the accuracy of all the rumors that surrounded her, and I didn’t care. All I know is that she had an exceptional voice.
I was a freshman. She was a senior. We had dress rehearsal the night before the opening of the spring pop show, and all the choirs were practicing together for the first time. The freshman show choir had just finished our final song, and we sat on the risers instead of leaving the stage. We cleared a path in the middle for Nicole, who planned to begin her performance of “River Deep, Mountain High” right after our number ended. Our choir director told us to pretend we were at a concert with Nicole as the main attraction.
Nicole entered the stage at the top center of the risers as the fog machine began to gently huff. She wore a white, strapless dress that was so tight you could practically see the outline of her ovaries and so short you could . . . Her curves spilled out of both sides of the dress, and her tangerine stilettos added nearly half a foot to her petite stature. The background music began to play as Nicole slowly strutted down the risers. I gazed upward at her, as instructed by our director, as she drew the microphone to her plump lips.
When I was a little girl
I had a rag doll
The only doll I ever owned
Now I love you just the way
I loved that rag doll
But only now my love has grown
Nicole paused on the last step. She tilted her neck back.
And it gets STRONGER in every way
And it gets DEEPER let me say
And it gets HIGHER day by day
Nicole arrived at the front center of the stage just before she began singing the chorus. Her chestnut hair cascaded down her back, ending at the top of her ample backside.
And do I love you, my oh my?
River deep, mountain high, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
If I lost you, would I cry?
Oh how I love you, baby, BABY, BABY, BABY!
When she began the next verse, I felt a sensation—foreign yet familiar. I don’t remember the rest of the performance. I just remember feeling giddily nauseated by her white-hot aura.
The Lollygabber 
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